I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
