then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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