I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
