just tell him i said nine months
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
