he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
