Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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