Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
