I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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