I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
