I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
