we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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