im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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