70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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