This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
