sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
