she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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