the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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