lets start a swedish sibling band together
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my poor anus
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
