I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
