I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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