Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
