i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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