i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize