so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
