I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
