I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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