***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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