I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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