I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
