oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
