i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
