I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
