yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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