I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
