Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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