Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just found a bag of teeth...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
