He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
