Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
