Kiss
Puke
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize