Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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