My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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