ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Boobs speak an international language.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry about my life...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
