and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
