saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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