2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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