I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
