I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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