I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
