i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
