if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
