I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
