my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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