I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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