he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
