are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
