you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize