Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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