Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
