More tranny stories later!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
