I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
