ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
