You really coming over, don't trick.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
