She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
