peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Randomize
