Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
