you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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