I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
