There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
