i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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