Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
