I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
