wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
