I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
