I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
