First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
