Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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