I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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