i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
