I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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